WWF Championship: Hulk Hogan(c) vs Randy Savage
WWF June 3, 1987 Rochester, NY
Dark matches, for those not in the know, are matches not meant for broadcast that are held before or after an advertised card takes place. They are never really the best matches, but serve as more of a historical curiosity. For example, is anyone out there clamoring to see if Samoa Joe and Essa Rios could tear the house down if matched up? Not really, but if you wanted to see Joe's WWF dark match from fourteen years ago against Rios, it's out there and fairly easy to find. This match today looks short, but it should be a treat to watch the preview of WrestleMania V's main event a year and a half before the Mega Powers explode. Hulk Hogan, a man who over the years has gone from a national icon to one of the most polarizing men around, is defending his WWF Championship against Randy "Macho Man" Savage. Savage is another who needs no introduction as his garish outfits, Miss Liz, Slim Jim, and generally being crazy as all fuck catapulted him into uber-legend status. If anyone is wondering why I would bother with Hogan in light of things he should've left unsaid, well, Michael Hayes still has fucking job right?
WWF even informs us that this is a dark match, which for the time, seems bizarre.
This was released by Coliseum Video at some point, because we have Heenan, Jimmy Valiant (noooo), and someone I can't place at all in a tiny box shilling old videos during introductions. The nameless guy botches his very first sentence as he states that Hogan won the belt January 24, 1984, when it was the 23rd. No big deal, I never expect a whole lot from these Coliseum broadcast teams anyway. Hogan is coming off the biggest win in wrestling history by way of pinning Andre, but if you asked him, he would swear he gorilla pressed him and hit the powerslam off the top rope. Macho is also hotter than pissed off lava, having the match of the year against Ricky Steamboat.
Hindsight says your lips are WAY too close to touching here.
Immediately, Hogan fails to redeem himself to me by stalling at levels that would make Tetsuya Naito proud. No bullshit, I finished half my cup of coffee between Rick Derringer's "Real American" cueing up and the bell ringing. Savage suddenly transformed into my spirit animal and unleashed some wicked shots as Hulk was handing Earl Hebner the belt. Whereas Hogan came out lollygagging and looking like he was going through the motions, Macho Man is hauling balls, throwing around some really intense offense. If you need a visual aid, think about WMV when Savage took over the match and click on the your video player's 3x button. I would be remiss in not mentioning that Savage beating on Hogan while still wearing the bandana and shades was badass. Hogan blocked a shot to the buckles and whipped Macho from pillar to post, even knocking off his glasses and putting them on. Oh shit, that means war.
Booker T! I'm comin' for YOU.....BROTHER!!!
Savage bailed and hid behind Liz for a bit, giving Hogan's Special Meter a chance to cool off. That strategy didn't pay off worth shit as Hulkster caught him coming in, hit the Axe Bomber, and sent him back out with an atomic drop. Sidenote: Never change the name of the atomic drop. It completely owns as is. Macho tried the Liz tactic again, but Hulk is wise and calmly moved Liz before taking the action back to the ring. AGAIN, the action went outside as Savage tricked Hogan and hit the top-rope double axe-handle to the floor that probably ate up his knees over the years. Inside once more as Macho nailed an impressive body slam before coming off the top with his trademark elbow. If you don't know how that went, you've never seen a Hulk Hogan match. If that's the case, he kicks out and uses the power of Hulkamania to shrug off punches, kicks, bullets, tanks, fire, and missiles until he wagged his magic finger, hit the body slam, and threw a oversized yellow boot into Savage's face. Randy wisely bailed after the boot and sent the oncoming champion into the guardrail. Right as Hogan is fixing to have his bald spot caved in by a chair, Liz yanked it away, sending the crowd into hysterics. Macho Man decided that the time was nigh to hit the elbow and take this home, but Hogan moved and caught Savage in a school boy for the pin at 6:43. Savage berated Liz, Hogan posed presumably until curfew, the crowd is molten and all is well in Rochester tonight.
For no reason at all, here is a Macho Stare.
WWF Championship: Hulk Hogan(c) d. Randy Savage by pinfall (6:43)
VERDICT:
Meh. Too much stalling and not enough action to call this even a CliffsNotes version of WrestleMania V. Macho teased a great match in the beginning, however, the power of Hulkamania cooled it off after the first awesome Savage flurry. The fans were into it, but these two were so over that they could've both come out with two toilets and taken a shit and the crowd would've found a reason to go wild. If you are a completionist and need to see every battle these two had, have at it, but they would follow this up with much more motivated work and far better matches.
MEL PHILLIPS!!! HIDE YOUR FEET!!! (You're on your own here. Google it.)
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